Your final TODO list before you cut your cucumber off.

miss myself missing you - [early release]


Freewrite #123089

‘What a piece of work is man? Washing up dishes this morning plotting how to cut my dick off, I get too horny too often for this lifestyle. But it teaches patience, my current best reason to look forward to aging. Some men say it doesn’t go away. Well yeah that’s probably right, but you have more time to develop your interests. Like for example Beethoven’s 9th is something I’ve heard hundreds of times at this point, and I refuse to study it. But I haven’t heard it in a while, and bumped it after the lake jog yesterday and damn my whole body, and mind woke from the smartest days of my 20 year old self, and I started cleaning, stretching, and allowing space for ideas to come to me, where I’d jot them down. [Unrelated, redacted].

The only choice upon waking this morning was to jog to the lake again, Then hold hands through the lilly pond and conservatory. I need to show Robert this video of some Hawaiian plant I got on my go pro! That will be a goal in the next 24 hours, maybe even now. Time is real limited. Today I gotta work helping out andre and ares with various things - so only have about an hour of actual art time now. It’s all good I got a lot of singing in yesterday, and plan on doing more today. Oh wait, helen and I did sing on our way back! How much better could life get? And pretty soon I’m going to be getting back on the netwebs heavy,

and I just think I wanna keep messaging to a minimum,

and feeds to a zero,

and that’s why I’ve come so far and am still not brain dead in the eyes.

Cause it’s rare, yesterday I walked for hours throughout the lake and Chicago’s neighborhoods and it was so hard to find someone with light in their eyes. It’s been fucked out of everyone. Why is no one singing in the streets? Well it’s a good time for me I suppose. And it’s not for the form fame or fortune. It’s cause we need people singing in the streets again. We need to bring the light back into the eyes, the bounce in the steps of all these beautiful rich people looking miserable. You basically have to look pissed if you’re a female though cause dudes in the streets are assholes. I don’t know it but I’ve seen it. And who knows what a free write is when I am combining some weird brain dump thing, thinking about how I need to run to a grad school cause I’m about to be homeless.

But my art is getting much better, and this fucking thing about my dad dying that hits every thought - it’s this pervasive stupid fucking seed of a fact in every stretch, step, thought, bar, and note, and I hate it and it drives me to do better and I wish I sang more and I wish others sang more and he said don’t worry he has reggae and I just god damn I’m freaking out about it often, but at least haven’t smoked in a long time and today will be the day I break, but that’s only cause I’m helping out mediate cause got some fire ass audio last night of some real Chicago domestic fighting, and it’s just like wow a day away from the plants is hell on Earth, and the people here are way crazy! Good thing I lived in crazy HQ, up in the santa cruz mountains and just short of a psyche ward with way more potent drug cocktails.’

Said the statue.

Whose Samuel Johnston again? I asked. Helen said he was a philosopher she thinks. We’re like oo dumb dead white man. Another one. Then we walked around the statue and it read William Shakespeare. He apparently had a yound mixed race mistress girl named Emeleia or something [Unrelated, redacted].

Andre last night called his woman a dumb jew cunt like her bitch stepmom.

‘why do I have to sleep at my parents?’ He asked Emma. ‘I don’t like the way you’re talking to me’. ‘I DONT LIKE THE WAY YOU’RE TREATING ME YOURE TREATING ME LIKE A PIECE OF NIGGER SHIT. YOURE TREATING ME WORSE THAN A NIGGER’

Two black people who are renting the space from him Friday came in for a short tour to see the space. If only they knew what he said the night before to his woman, they’d probably have second thoughts about doing business with him. But I’m no nark, I’m a singer. I got my jewJew back, but would never admit it outloud, cause like previously that’s one of the sure fire ways to lose it.

who knows I’m a jumbled mess and my legs are so sore from jogging a lot yesterday and a bit today - I’m just so lucky I wrote a poem to Helen about my drinking patterns, and am so dedicated to just turning that fantasy, those words, into a reality.

So the question is,
how many nights can I go drinking less than you? that’s what love looks like

I love myself to quote kung foo kenny I love you to quote me

I took Helen to the lake and the plants and hoped it would lower the incoming anxiety levels of the previous night. It’s easy to get obsessed with dealing with it, but we are artists and artists are meant to communicate, not listen like a sponge. Playing games is for moss and sponges, and I don’t even need to make sense I don’t need to write well about it, cause I can’t cause you hate me for saying what you already know - and like a poison the poisonous actions of last night have to run their course through us, and it’s only a matter of time before it hits me. But at least I sing. I got my singing jewJew back, and I’m going to sing on to it for dear life.

Made this video last night when Helen went off to go neutralize the situation - a big hours long fight in between their sick four year old.

He’s not going to be damaged, he’ll be fine,

and then max started singing ‘damage damage damage damage’

and I’m not allowed to laugh

‘If we can’t get married here we can get married in France’ The nice black lady with the baby stroller said on speaker phone.

The first thing we heard leaving the free conservatory. ‘If I had the money I’d marry you now’ I told her. She’s in a lot of debt too.

I’m not used to n word hard R’s being thrown round in that tone from where I grow up.

They’re thrown around often enough though, about every day for sure since my child ears heard it. It’s just so ‘exactly what they want’ to let them empower you, IDK it’s no wonder that

People are racist against racists. It sounds mean, but also sad and funny. But no one wants to hear about how funny something is, they just have to laugh about it themselves. You can’t talk about humor or they get angry, you have to show humor. Is sort of the main cheese. But I’m brain dead, and made 2 videos 2 poems and recorded a new acapella song yesterday. Today I’m going to go help andre make some art with building some movie poster light boxes and his brother ares needs help fitting some new pipe. It’s a soldering job, and I’m only used to doing micro electronics, but it’s all good, we’ll solve the small problems. One at a time, and sing. The big ones are made up. And I’m on Earth saying that.

What a Piece of Man Is Work

2019-09-17 13:00:39 -0500 -0500

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