Night bus to NY from Virginia.

How many days without a video camera? A guitar? A direction? Today I’m choosing me and myself and my dad’s martin surely I’ve inherited.

Just dropped Helen off at work and road the tube to brooklyn, but it looks like Becca’s asleep so I have all our luggage and am posting up for a much needed therapy work plan choice love session. Can’t wait to book SOMETHING

Cause what a waste of money the past three weeks have been God damn it’s beyond frustrating I basically have to leave her to grow on her own and I need to do the same. It’s too bad, it’s up in the air, I’m out of patience, to quote Poetics 2 ‘it’s not going to happen Fred’. We did a nice little free write in the diner and a million signs about time was

||Damn this latin cafe, colina cuervo ||

My dad's dead
I only buy black clothes

as a typed that a nice black lady smiled at me from outside walking by
I guess I have that kind of face
you either want to smile at it or punch it ||

ooo a guy outside just picked an old cigarette butt off from the soil in a break in the sidewalk. I've been there before but never that bad. I hit the ashtrays a couple times outside KZSU at Stanford. One time in Santa Cruz I found a freshly lit american spirit on the ground and just picked it up and smoked it. No negative health affects so far. || This will be the easiest breakup mentally, but my body and soul have sustained damage. I couldn't even climb a rope 25 feet at Virginia Beach. The smokes Brian gave me I'm going to give to Becca, and she'll trickle them out to me and Helen over the course of this visit. I have to call back Darlene, Chad, Have to call Robert, just got my half sister's number. I need arrange to meet her  because she's somewhere close to New York I believe.

This place is amazing I'm tempted to eat but I'll wait on finishing a coffee first and see where we are. We slept on the bus on and off from 2 - 6 so this brain here's in a special place. I can talk as if we're breaking up and we might be doing that at all. It's just all up in the air.

You know that saying it pays to know? A lesser known one is when you just drop the 's', because you gotta pay to know. I know I was on the swim team, but I can't hold my breath any longer. I mean I'm going to be fucking 28, every day needs to be full of music and producing and not floating around with a jangled girl. She needs to grow her own legs as do I, and if we can't do that together then we will be alright. No animosity about it, hopefulyl : 0      

Becca called, going to head there and work more at columbia while she hits therapy ||

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Third Biggest Appples the Charm

2020-02-12 09:17:02 -0500 EST

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