10:34AM

At the pier 36 or so I don’t remember. Looking at the water. There’s too much happening to write, like I’m out of practice.

Impulsively and a long time coming I want to break up with Helen, cause it's just not working out last night she said she can't trust what I say and says I'm all talk and no action. She said sorry later but it's just like damn how can you be in a relationship with someone if they can't trust what you say? She's not working with me and it's ruining my day, though I shouldn't let it. I should get some work going. I really want to just cancel visiting her in New York. She just doesn't want to make it work and doesn't believe in us. I don't know what to do, but so far am just stopping at this coffeeshop for a moment to try and speak with her. I wish I could think about better things right now but can't for the moment. This is bad real bad, me without headphones she called!

And I’m back from walking a solid many miles around SF

what are my goals? where do I want to live? why did I lose my muscles? What is the good in helping make a todo list if I never do it? What do I want?

I want to make a living making things. I really really need help and need to do the work to get there. First off I will release a lot of music I guess…. I lost my music making muscles but they’re still there. I’m just so sad about being in the grey zone with helen right now cause I want to break up if she doesn’t know what she wants, it’s just like not a way I want to live my life. The paradox is that it’s taking actions from me, like I don’t know what to do now cause I’m waiting on her. And I can’t wait on her, so I’m just going to have to figure out plans with or without her, cause life is short and I can’t be with someone that falters in their belief in me. And isn’t open in communicating.


how do I sort out my life? I’m 27 this is my channel this is my art this is my website and this is where I am applying? or this is where I went to school or this is where I want to continue school? That’s the thing no one really cares what you do with your life the earlier you really understand that the faster you can learn to slow it down so one thing at a time right now I’m on pause cause I don’t know if Helen and I are staying together right now I’m on the path to wanting to get into a graduate school program in the arts

right now I still have 2 main dreams - run a successful nonprofit helping as many people as possible

right now I have a bunch of songs written I just need to release

right now I have over 1000 blog posts I’ve personally written

right now I have no commitments to anyone

right now I’m in debt with undergrad and some friends

right now I don’t have a Facebook

right now I’m locked out of my Instagram

right now I don’t want to be on social media at all

right now I want to just go ahead and know

know where I want to be I already know who I am oh so well I know what my skills are I know what I want to do with my life

I know I can’t go back home I know I have people that want to help I know I can do anything I know I need to be more social I know I need to take a liter of my own advice

step 1) make a the track ready for release step 2) upload online, make IFFTT triggers to post when it happens step 3) help me =-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-= 20:36 If my troubles so bad, I can’t write about them. I still write lyrics on off days.

sogo noro sis six (x8)

we could make pesto
maybe it's not enough basil


getting fatter and fatter
as the days go on...
no fat?

people sued starbucks
cause they didn't listen their nutrition


always check
the ingredients
ingredients
know life

=-=-

know ingredients
master life

=-=-=-=-=

ingredients
know life

are
your
eyes
closed
enough?
where
do you
belong?
How do sounds
outside our hearing
affect us?


SF Reunion Without a Camera

2020-01-21 10:33:57 -0800 -0800

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