I always wished I grew up in a household like this. I wanted nothing more than a laptop since the age of 6, but didn’t get my hands on a computer until some extreme manipulation in seventh grade. I got a shitty Dell that would run World of Warcraft at 12 FPS in Ogrimmar or Dalaran. I was an incredibly annoying lock for a while but my real soul was ganking, dueling and general pvping as an undead rogue.

Growing up I always wished my parents were more affluent, challenging, and driven. It wasn’t until the time I left for college that I became truly okay with my upbringing. It’s incredible what a 4 hour drive distance will do to your relationships. I’ll include a photo of my parents when I get to their house sometime tomorrow afternoon. This is my journal, and I just needed to have a separate entry for something that is quite a real aspect of my life. I don’t believe I can ever be a good programmer. I didn’t do well in math classes as a kid, and even in college got a ’D’ in Calculus. Twice.

What I did learn however is the feeling of unrequitted, unconditional love. My parents have always allowed me to explore the world, and I went from die hard extreme Rush Limbaugh disciple Right wing twat to dumb barefoot hippy liberal all on my own accord. They have shown love to me in times that I was objectively unlovable, and I can feel the power from their efforts every single day.

My parents. I’m proud of them

In a couple days I will be in my father’s hometown and birthplace

Speaking of love. There is no feeling on the planet like that of a good woman missed. ^&#$%^ broke up with me. She never seemed to experience this unconditional love I feel from my parents. From my view she gave up on my offer of it. However is it unconditional if it expires? She’s an intern at Google now, making double the money doing what she loves. I got her into programming in the first place, and she sky rocketed ahead. However it came at a cost of interpersonal relationships. She’s sort of a creep. Is it unconditional love? At this point in time I can’t see her as much more than a parasite with a 1010 ass.

Do what scares you.

Sharing my previous insecurities about my upbringing, and experiences of my last ex scare me.

The two secrets I am going to share will take a while - maybe a month or two.

  ^also not related but it is

  paint your ideal lifestlye

  blah blah blah blah

  be a dick on youtube


2017-07-28 16:38:47 -0700 -0700

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