How could I type so cryptic for too long,

without being able to portray a solid trajectory?

The pros are self preservation, and it’s closer to how my brain is wired, a nonlinear beautiful mosh pit. Where the floors in the club have all collapsed on themselves all while dancing.

Maybe the world online is too distracting with hammer on nails information, this is the one place I can go to keep things more vague, and in doing so sometimes more accurate.

When you flip a coin, the side on the bottom exists and wins as hard as the side on the top. Both sides of the coin exist in complete harmony.

So let me try and be more clear with myself now.

Becca said I’m nesting, and I didn’t know I was doing that but she’s right. I want to make it work. I want to assimilate back into the dance of using time and objects as intended. Typing at a desk now instead of typing in a lap. I got a fresh haircut, a thrift store blazer, and haven’t smoked weed in 19 days. Just counted on a calendar, it was the lunar new year in San Francisco in Chinatown, the best night ever with Dennis Bryn Cam Ted Mario Matt)

Today I’m going to pledge something, to be more communicative. It’s time to hunker down, be easier on myself, and really shoot for the stars. I have an album nearly complete. I have countless singles ready to be released. I have an unfinished book. I have the designs for my first real gallery showing. And you know what? Today I’m going to start to finish, slowly but surely. No more huge conceptual ideas that take months of suffering to cultivate just to never be released effectively. I’m going to get smarter, by dumbing it down. Actions over cognition. There is no bigger pit in the world holding you back than your own mind. No more over explaining the meaning and instead just make some fucking signs. I don’t know who told the world that phenomena where you overestimate what you can achieve in a day, and underestimate what you can achieve in a lifetime. But that’s the mantra of the day.

Yesterday there was a lot of humor, so many jokes, I think the lines on my face have huge creases here from smiling and laughing too much. It couldn’t be from the smoking, no…

So far it’s been… It’s hard to communicate when ideas…

It’s just hard to communicate, and this safe space here is a place I use to get better at communicating, through free writes. Because The armies of ideas in our head, warring simultaneously all the time, are too perfect and entwined to be strapped into the linear narrative which blunt language provides.

So the point of this is now clear.

I want to keep track of this new New York stint. Not waste myself anymore. It’s time to be easier on myself, work harder, and to give back to everyone.

Here to Stay Maybe

2020-02-13 10:25:53 -0500 EST

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