help help help
ive fallen
to my demons
no one to call
help
evac required
I have fallen
I felled
dear helen
I don’t know
whose thoughts these are
that write this now
but I love you
and I have lost control
not that control was ever attained
only illusion of it
yet it feels so good
that illusion
to be in control
of self and self at large
and how good it feels
to be out of control
of self and at large
in wildly loving you
with no regard
with no remorse
with no agenda
I am lost
I am lost before
I found you
and this is what I’m free writing now
and it doesn’t matter how it starts
when writing stops being a release
it matters what I think
when demons took over me
and they have launched
an assault in boy’s terms
a campaign in men’s terms
and I have nothing
but love
in this decapitated state
where is my head
when my body goes autopilot?
and who, helen, is able to
read my thoughts when I cannot access them?
when they are offline
after I spent too much time online
who what where when how and why
so basic important is the orientation
who are you?
its no competition
when you are fact in flesh
while anime and tech
live in fiction
but hypothetical house is a real place!
and that’s where we should live
and pragmatic I’m not
in living long or well or at all
and pragmatic I’m not
in loving you so well
despite this condition
you see aliens don’t just control the upper echelon
rashad knows
aliens have been influencing homo sapiens for 1,000s of years
that’s beyond proven
that’s beyond fact
that’s not even the crazy part anymore
that’s the foundation
of truth
and the wooks know
and I’m not crazy
it’s a fact beyond the
insurmountable pile of facts
so look at me
and look at you
what kind of world do you want to live in
is what I can ask
on my own agency
when demons have taken me
when angels protect me
when I’m called
when you’re called
will you bring me back to Earth
1,000 times?
as I write 1,000 songs
before I’m 30
-=-=-=-=-
Dear Helen,
I write to you because
you told me to
I oblidge because
I love you
I oblidge because the demons have won tonight
I write to you because I can’t write
You’re the writer!
I have nothing to write
for anyone
and I don’t exist
in this state
and I’m beyond done in this state
and I write to you because you are the only conscious entity I can write to, talk with, be with without a sincere, severe depression worse than this. This is not even bad considering
that is all to say
I write to you because it feels good
to say I opt out of money games
and though that fact keeps us apart
it keeps me together
and it keeps us together
cause the demons didn’t win
cause I sucessfully opted out of consumerism
it’s cause the demons took me that I’m here opted out
and I will remain so
as long as there’s a breath in my body
I will only write songs, make videos, write books, prepare lectures
as a farm boy that’s alien work
as an American that’s my story
live your favorite story
Niko told me
I live mine
currently incapacitated
don’t know the time or date
so lost I don’t want to be found
and so far gone can’t fathom what I lost
and it was worth it
to opt out
and not be controlled
just to find yourself being controlled
by more managable and archaic influences
cause there’s no known defense
against propaganda
what’s that propaganda say ?
aliens started us
and the world needs to get over it
it’s the modern equivalent to
the Earth doesn’t revolve around the sun
and that’s one beginning to an answer
as to who what why where when and how
you and abs and yazzi and pandora
can’t compete
when the best men you find
know the same in the end
it’s not a competition
it’s that men die for pursuit of truth
and the truth got so hard
that there’s all this
as a series of coping mechanisms
and I’m done
with my life tonight
and this is my suicide letter
if I can down enough
I’d be up enough
be up all the time
the things I edit
for a better time
-=-=-=-=
Dear helen,
how can you understand physics
if you’re fucked up!
why can’t I break out of this
one walk later
and instead of that smart
disposition
that setting of the whos
all those whats
whens the whys
and ending on hows
these pixels tear
every day
that’s without a dose
cause I lost the rest
lost more lucy than I’ve taken
and I’ve taken 100 + times
so dear helen let me start again
this time more focused
on how I write to you the writer
let me be clear please God
in a moment of severe clutter brain
all 3 brains
my dick don’t work
my microbiome is in WW2
my brain is a cuttered closet
and I still love you
and it makes me love you more
and it doens’t make me love you less
and it doens’t make me love you
for you can save me
no one can save me
except myself
is what I’d repeat the next time
someone presents themselves
as someone needing saving from another
and yet we’re here
and you’re there
on the other side of time
at a time when our sun’s don’t align
why did I stop eating
is an indication of a demon winning
only as mere metaphor
as to how the mind works
and how I work
under extremes
the process to becoming a diamond
like yeah ok ok I’ve been a diamond
feels like for centuries now
why are you still maintaining
so much pressure, God!
I already am a diamond I swear loook
look inbetween the lines
beyond the words of my thousands of words
beyond hundreds of posts
of flags of calls of pleads of cravings of therapy sessions of my own words on my own social media island
completely woke completely connected completely isolated completely me, as me
and so Helen would you love such ignorance?
is rhetorical - you wouldn’t
you would deal with the ignorance
deal with the craziness
deal with the follies
for the idea of something deeper
more tangible more written about
more tangible more real
is loving this alien
more than you love yourself
cause when the demons win
to quote myself I’m outa here
that’s the time to love you even more so
so so what its a fragment it’s true
I love you
and I have no other action
no other words
no other songs
not a single song
except some piano on loop
sitting in ableton as I write this
I edited so much today
I forgot how to edit
my body just does it
doesn’t require thinking at this point
tutorials what I breath
but that’s low hanging fruit
the cards are there
thoughts are things!
I’ve thought of success so many times
this is all part of the process
my body is doing it
I can feel it
even when the demons win
they are still pussies
I’ll call them as I see them
even when they have complete control of me
so in short help in long business meeting
you read all the time
and yet I don’t feel so subconcious
when you’re speaking
I write to you all night now
so that we can get on the same page
I love you and there’s nothing else to say
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Dear Helen,
like what, some dumb spell check?
this is before the wormwood
going days without looking myself in the mirror
is when the demons get near
look too hard in the mirror and
best case scenario you’re baiting to yourself
worst case you’ve fallen in the mirror
and you’re out of comission
like so many others
out of comission
how do we get people out of comission
google turns up bunk results
how do we live better
fuck duckduckgo only way to go
if tonight is my last
you know what to do
my pw for everything
I already told you
when we see each other again
I’ll tell you the other three
I don’t even want to kill myself anymore
cause that would bring me into the next paradox
I’d rather go straight to the source
the middle of a black hole
is where I prep I train for my soul to go
the last front in the universe
born a pioneer that’s where I’ll go
it’s either that or my own black hole
all citizens should ask themselves
to what degree am I being controlled?
the second we start becoming sucessful
that’s when it will shift
it will happen subtely at first
to the point you won’t know the difference
but it will increase as success does
they can’t mind control all
cause it’s so expensive
but what’s expensive today
is a steal next year
on a million items
and crypto is just a continuation of
capitalisitc means
nothing I want will happen in my lifetime
to the degree I want
so I’m about one mission
reduce suffering the most effective way
in the least amount of time
and that remains
though there’s a bunch of mental calisthetics
it takes to maintain it
that dream remains the same
akin to how all songs remain the same
and I’m not good at writing and I should quit
cause I can’t and you’re the writer and what was
therapy can also be a bad habit
to write your fears away
but know I’m trained
when the demons win
my three brains are gone with them
I still have my habits
and so write just the same
and this is before the wormwood
and this is before the porn
and this is before your forgiveness
and this is before I ask for more
adn this is not a plead
and this is being resilient
and this isn’t the time to say
anything will illicit motive
but what could that be like what
some pussy demon is going to talk through me?
that’s why I call them pussies
cause even when they win my body
temporarily
when they win my microbiome
it’s temporary
when they reach my mind
it’s on the contrary
I can feel where those pussies can go
and where they leave me alone
cause I’m more than resilient
with what I’ve seen
with what I believe
I’m more than resilient
if that’s a motif
for the next screenplay
but it’s all on pause
cause I need to talk to you
and you are asleep
so I’ll spend your time asleep
writing to you for when you wake
and that’s the best way to win the day
cause it was lost before I woke
cause it’s not my own
thoughts I’ve been infiltrated
and you are the one
that can bring me back to Earth
and if you lose it
I don’t know what
you said you’d end up in a ward
after me
which is why I’ll never send this
a freewrite that went to long
50 letters over due
before the recorded songs
before the rehearsal
my scope is stuck
in state 0
all three states at the same time
all the time
so no one can keep up with me
cause I can’t keep up with myself
unless we’re talking language
then in that case let me stop
and ask - how long can you write without looking up
without thinking
wihtout spell checking
without a reference point?
cause tonight, that’s the theme of the night
we’ll see how far we can go.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Dear Helen,
time passed I hit the wormwood
I hit nothing else
except what the aliens desire
there are no declassified documents at this point
that control how I behave
this a primates memoir
of what that means to me
dear helen until I’m out of this state
I lost more lyrics about you than
I’ve written
and there’s no reason
cause youre destiny is maleable
we all know that
that’s why I maintain this crazy path
editing our lost lucy tapes
at disney beach
on the other side of the last nuclear reactor
on california’s coast
you know how it is
the c a life will be okay in the
metalacolypse
siddartha would really help
but who can read
when they can only write
and why is my setup
so stuck in orientation of state
of time
that’s why it’s bad
my writing that is
and that’s why you’re the writer
to attempt stateless word
is the world for you
oh I stood on a stage with you
night after night
frisco tenderloin piano fight
didn’t know what was happening
float on through
like the ocean I didn’t know
I crossed for you
oh I love you crazy pants
when I explain
I got hit by a love dart
cause I don’t got no way
yes I love you crazy pants
and your big ole sandman tent
I call a bunker
fuck I see it as a bunker too
Im sandman
you know naruto?
the question is
how can you and abs feign interest
in anime tech aliens and ai
when there’s no women so obsessed about it
maybe it’s a different job
if we are them
it’s pre destined
you know we jobs
just what the aliens wanted
the matrix is the modern bible
20 years old
when it took 100 years after
christ’s death for the words to be wrote
we live in a fast paced time
and you ever see stranger things?
the fact that the unbelievable
suddenly gets believable with a bit of evidence?
it doesn’t matter what’s believable
cause it’s all real
and you are free to not believe
so you can club them in wrote verse
way we club seals
when we club with zeal
exactly whathey they want
in an arbitrary they
all it took was one little jew pants
and I can’t speed it up
I can only slow it down
its not a surprise
when all the men in our lives
are impossible
make us want to die
I’d do the same
if I was me
if I found a pair of dykey pants
yes I know all women are dykes first
never had a chance any of you guys
that’s what I learned so many moons ago
I wanna know what you learned
won’t you tell us
what you say you learned
oh what I learned ?
what makes that’s special I Q
gonna need a few hundred moons too
oh y e s .
all humans
are instruments
said the freemasons
that’s why your neighbors christian
doesn’t matter though
cause what I learned can’t be spoke
is that a cop out my friend?
I don’t know woman number two
I don’t know what to tell you
it’s all a pile a shit
but what one angle shows
a pile of shit
but another angle, history !
in its grip
shows every point
of genius started so humbly
as mic’s shit
soo yes I love you
crazy pants
I wouldn’t take you off
if I was living on a nude beach man
somehting in my body
that transcends everything
fuck all the songs I’ve written
cause now I see
yes I love you fancy pants
show me the culture
only been able to make up
something in my body
I’ve aslways needed
from my girl
from my gut
and even as we fall apart
long as theres more chords
there’s a chart !
we’ve got outa the mayans
outa this shit
ooo yes I love you!!!!! oh fancy pants
show me class struggles
with your language
=-=-=-=
Dear Helen,
now a thousand lines deep
and I’m no closer to the points
I need to make with you
how long can you make your own tunes
before it consumes you?
at this point this shouldn’t be sent
for four to five reasons
not like I’m hiding
open source brains
before they’re taken away
and they’re taken away
on the mass scale
and when they get me
and it’s only a matter of time
I write to you now
cause I’m asking you
to bring me back to Earth
then not now
cause I still yield agency
without my 3 brains
I still have my dreams
in some reductionist way
a slave to one though
my dick is waking up
please suck it bite it off
I hold no truth
when I’m in such a state
is the first lie I’ll make
the rest is truer that true
and too crazy to write
you need to understand
frequencies affect everyone
in ways we can’t imagine
it’s beyond proven
sound changes us
so how do sounds we can’t hear
affect how we think?
is the question to be asking
everytime you hear your thoughts
sour
in every direction
how do frequencies you can’t hear
affect how you think?
and never forget it
and I’m out of lines
wormwood didn’t work this time
eggrolls in the micro
just so I can work in silence tomorrow
and I can’t even write to my future self
and I’m a body builder when it comes
to writing to my future self
and this isn’t even about that
so common a phrase
and you are the one I love ya
beyond bodily needs
cause the body
it’s the body
that body where we lay
I love you without my body
and when my mind strays
abstracted away it might be
should’ve just watched anime
it’s beyond the point of return
when the demons take me
first bottle of water downed all day
cause demons hate water
that’s why running water
always brings me back
to the foundations we laid
we lied by the window so long
so long ago now that’s the only way
to get back on the train
the universe is splitting
in too many ways
and fuck writing
should’ve been the first thing said
cause I don’t feel any closer
the the original point I wanted to make
aside from attaining that I love you
and your heavenly ways
=-=-=-=-=-=-=–=-=
Dear Helen,
it feels like
it feels like
I can’t write
it feels like writing as therapy is over
is what I write right now
it feels like this is the road
to becoming a pastor
are you prepared?
being a pastor’s wife?
You need to be so brave so social
so optimistic so silent
and so loud, as a pastor’s wife
it feels like
such a distrustful statement
is it feels like
it feels planted
my thoughts on how I feel
and that’s the place of origin
how long can you write
without reading
how long can you sing
without thinking
when the body with it’s 3 brains are taken
where do you lie in truth
and pursuit of truth with what tool bag
and that’s what I’m thinking about
after some second wind
not by any consumation but by writing
I am on the road to being a pastor
is a funny thought
but like I read in my handwrote
journal bonnie gave me
when I sat down where we sat once
I don’t think this is the end
not so disillusioned to think
this is the beginning
this is the intermediary
if you have faith in history
but that’s an assumption
to assume that things have happened
cause yeah sure they happen
things happen to you
as they happen to me!
as they happen to us
the assumption that things happen
are why we’re on the bus
when it comes to thinking in
history making itself
by virtue of us thinking
in its terms
this isn’t much
those lessons you and becca
so want to know
I already wrote
they’re in secret urls
and I’m about to die
and I can tell the truth
about anything at this point
is a lie and I know it
about telling the truth
cause art is the only
fully comphrehensive way
to pursue truth
and the truth is not to be taken lightly
and that’s why by habit there’s a joke in
every point
there’s a laugh in every phrase
every moment
there’s more than a laugh
there’s a side stich from laughing so hard
and there’s a tear
in every moment
and a lot more than that
all you ever thought
will think
and cannot
all occured in the moment
that moment
the one over there
that we forgot
so I’m writing to you
because it’s becoming more evident
I’m crazy
in love with you
I’m writing to you because I can’t call anyone
I can’t reach out to anyone
I don’t trust anyone
I don’t need anyone
I have me my angels my demons my database
through me in the fields
for life as a slave
or my in a vat
and I still feel the same!
so what’s more you want
like a question from me?
where do you get off
is my one question in this whole piece
where do you get off
what fantasy to be
the pixels are tearing
cause my vizzies are blaring
it’s the subminal messaging
I made myself
for myself
to affect myself
when I forget I laid it out
is when I stopped trusting myself
and even though this is from a point of weakness
it doesn’t look it
cause I still have a lot more to say
about the ways I love you
we just have to get out the weeds
and the lose lose machilivelli scenario
you and me need to hit the creek
and have a candid conversation
have a few more enlightening experiences
cause strategy is all I need
and it’s strategy from those unseen
so not believing reminds me of stranger things
you never hear from the characters again
when they don’t believe
and believe me
the possibility
we’re in a simulation
is just the beginning
hours deep in my own tunes
and still writing about how I forgot me
that was the point in the first place
of categorizing stuff like lost acid tapes
and I don’t know names
and I can only listen so much
and I’m done
and I’m gone
beyqond this point
my body can’t be felt
the dick has been subverted
so suck it
bite it off
and call it my curse
cause we’ve all baited
been baited
will be baited
by ads if you’re basic
by God if you’re called
by service if you’re positioned
by work if you’re pregnant
by love if you’re helen
by ground if you’re above
all
so in such a noisey state of mind
you and me I ask
a minute of your time
by a creek or loud TV
to drown out our talk
about life beyond life beyond life beyond life life beyond life beyond life beyond lifelife beyond life beyond life beyond lifelife beyond life beyond life beyond lifelife beyond life beyond life beyond lifelife beyond life beyond life beyond lifelife beyond life beyond life beyond lifelife beyond life beyond life beyond lifelife beyond life beyond life beyond lifelife beyond life beyond life beyond life
=-=-=–=-==–==–==-=–==
Dear Helen,
It’s waking up again.
that future moment in the creek TV
with you is what keeps me
more than alive at this time
all my best recordings
and all my life
could be summarized
through vibrations in a major key
with (this) minor(e) parts
so how many lines of sense can I spit
spent so many hours abstracting the point
into sublties cause I don’t wanna be caught
cause I see where the tech is
and there’s no defense gainst it
so being someone so into being outspoken
it’s only a matter of time
or they already got me
for this very reason
I’m allowed to write this
beyond a point
is evidence I exist outside
of their control
and so my journey begins
this is the beginning now
I have made my piece
I love you and there’s somehting I need
agency of thought at all costs
rarest thing in the galaxy
ask shostakovich
all my romantic meanderings about dead
composers I lost
in pursuit of it
if your mind can be read it can
be encoded with your own thoughts!
that are not your own
and so how do you discern a
voice that sounds like you
a body that acts like you
and a feeling that it is not your own
and don’t read this to anyone
cause they’ve got the same feeling
if they never have they will
if they never will they’re not awake
in a pessimistic way
and awake in a better way
help is not to be begged for
if there’s anything I learned
so why do I work all the time
obsess over the lives of made up people
in order in order to…. what?
=-=-=-==–=-==-=
Dear Helen.
my brain is failing
my eyes don’t have any left
my work tomorrow for brian is postponed
till he gets home
so now I can get more
so now I can write more
not worrying about time
like we always had a
a visible timer
with 50 invisible timers
in my mind
we gotta break up
every time you storm
we gotta break up
every time I nerd out
we gotta break up
for what ?
we aren’t even together right LOL
yeah right
I loanOwe you more than my life
and you can have more than that
cause you care
not about me
but you care about deeper meaning
these recordings mean nothing
aside from saving me right now
and god is so good in yielding a struggle when you walk with god
those people that bombed people said they did it for god
but they did it for the RSG9DL7uEwRUZXZn3SS34DiDPfzP0VOiEwtUWlE => devil
and I don’t shy away from that
that thing
you know
that wook in gross out said everyone’s afraid to talk about it but it’s dog backwards
and domesticated animals, and scavenger and predatory birds have cameras in their eyes
only takes a few non google searches
to know what’s possible with 40 bucks
and then you look at the budget of defense
bigger than the next 10 countries
and then you look at the exponential graphs of cost / efficiency of the underlying technologies
and you somehow don’t believe in anything that that would make you tend to beliece
its not the time to make a point
to be wise
that’s for the dumb
and the pursuit of being wise is a fun erotic path to your demise
but that only rhymes
it’s not true
we all know truth don’t rhyme
rap hit that years ago
through rhymes
=-=-=-==–==-=-=–==
Dear helen,
look what it looks like !
not being self conscious
throw me anywhere in the universe
a firing squad is easiest to picture
I KNOW WHAT I THINK
I saw the self consciousness in your eyes
when you dosed
everyone feels that
I felt that for sure
keep GIAUHSJBKN
and let’s live a life without it
cmon look at my life look how successful I am!
drinking by myself,
full of confidence,
smoking by myself,
full of confidence,
‘not feeling like thoughts your own’
a sympton of psychosis
don’t you want to live like that
imagine
all fake media portrayals of women you see
I see
and you feel not a single thing
a million propagandy messages running thorugh thee
and no message assaults your temple
imagine a million hours more
of idealized bikini ads
and they pass your mind spirit and body
without a second thought
now cut to 3 years in the future of that
and you can see it in your face
your demeanor
don’t mean to come off demeaning
I’m laughing all the way to god’s bank
you and becca can laugh about how you
wanna hear my lessons
I’ll take the time to express them
in moments of weakness
cause that’s the best time to
whats a verb to give words to
googel sucks at it
still on my own tunes
dont look at the time
continue with the point mic !
no smoke break cause I gotta piss
piss coming out my
circumsized D I C K
you said write to me
and then fell asleep
didn’t think you’d get a
5k essay on what that means to me?
I love you and I’m popular
and have no one else to call
I’m strung out poor and spend my nights outside
and I love you none the even more
=–=-=
dear helen,
self consciousness can be completely defeated
all human’s brains are more connected than anticipated
all ideas are shared
its the individual that brings them here
to this planet
all of reality is maleable
and that’s about it
these are the foundations of thought
and nothing else about god
I’m still on my own tunes
and it’s affecting me
help
I have fallen into a state of mind
and I can’t get up!
help me
today tonight whenever convenient
don’t mean to disconvenience you
help me today
and I will die for you in the future
there’s not enough alcohol in the world
to shut me up
not enough smokes getting taxed
to dilute my lungs
not enough pot in the world
to take my point
the fact they are taxed
is evidence to believe
(though they may want you to believe this)
there are other parties in control
aside from humans, aliens, reptillians,
and aliens that used to be humans
there’s a lot more
cause that’s just the characters
in the secret play
the final act
humanity’s survival
is what’s at stake
and we will die
individually sure
and as a species for sure
if living means being farmed
if being farmed means living
then I choose death
every time!
cause I know me
that’s why we must stay low key
long as possible
cause there’s no defense
against things intabgible
and how can you defend
against threats not agreed upon?
moment you express your concern
moment they know you now know ha!
good thing only God I see
I believe
is a God of comedy
and good thing
only thing I believe
on the internet
are my own sites
my own things
and thoughts are things
and I didn’t even think half this
it was implanted in me
to varying degrees
over years akin to
Godel’s incompleteness theories
he couldn’t eat
and died cause of it
I fast to think clearly
you don’t wonder why I don’t eat
fuck me
this isn’t even about me
though it seems
it’s just hard to make a point
outside of me
cause when you don’t believe
what you see on the screen
yet are subject to influence
to the humans in your life
that speak to thee
you will see
not what I see
but a bastard of it
and right foot step on my thoughts
and left foot step on my dreams
and right foot step on my face
and left foot step beyond me
that’s how this works
I give you everything
raw and un cut
as if my dick uncircumzised
my tongue uncircumcised
should I give up everything?
oh wait already did
5k words deep
still don’t believe me
whatever its an exercise
you don’t have to be woke
just the fact that you give a shit
about the deeper meaning
gets me stoked
cause while we tripped
it was veterans I craved
psychonauts deeper than me
that’s what the poison
does to dyou
makes you forget your place in the chain
when you’re ahead you gotta lift
when you’re behind you gotta lift
doesn’t matter you’re all a chain!
we all lift each other
I don’t need a vet
to tell me my pets are fine
cause it trickles down
and I saw God twice
and that’s not true
he just talked back twice
seen them more than I’ve seen myself
and that’s part of the reason
why this doesn’t feel real
caause you jolt your body
challendge it
fuck your body
push your body
jolt it again
you will see
it doesn’t feel real
what you think is me
what you think is you
look in the mirror once a day
for not longer than necessary
is the only defense I’ve come up with
for defense against unseen forces
unsung entities
and chosen vendettas
I’ll tell you everything in due time
can think of a few things to leave out
cause its not the time
its not a space ship
for the real shit
cause once you play their game
they have rules in line
just as we have the dodgers
hitting balls with clubs
to pass the time
K I D W Z R D AND the lil woke that could
is released by 32 and no later god damnit
and a 1000 songs before 30 !
and none of them terrible quality !
and those are my dreams
to say the least
writing is coming back
to a warm feeling of therapy
it took a while this time
to feel slightly better
was it the 7 beers
or was it you
cause I am only writing now
to you because of you
when all ambition has left
when all motive have left
I write to you with no agenda
I write to you as therapy
I write to you cause you told me to
before you fell asleep
so now in a weird way
I feel like my writing
should affect your dreaming
right now on the other side
of the clock
well looking at the clock
you’re going to wake up soon
so that’s too bad
cause I was just warming up to the idea
of writing to just you
let me write to just you
I don’t want anything else
in this deranged state
let me please just write to you
this account in its entirety
my perception in its clarity
the headphones are creepy
I dont take them off they comfort me
lyrical writing is all I want now
cause songwriting is all I know
cause I loooked too deep
and found
I’m a songwriter
I’m a songwriter
I’m a songwriter with a bad voice
and I’m ok with that
is what I’m practising
something must be on repeat
cause I’m still listening to my own tunes
and it’s the 5th time I hit this part
exported new hour of tunes
laptop is sweating
while I’ve been complacent all day
dear helen
how can you be anything
if you don’t believe in anything?
I gotat lotta unpopular beliefs
don’t let it get to me
still rapping !
fuck rapping !
it too exploited
it too taken
FBI laughs every time someone spits
about evading them
what a joke =-=–=-==-=-=-=–==
my plan b
give lectures
teach
and then they’ll get me
harder than they’ve gotten me
the demons are pussies
least of my worries
even in this state
so full of them
help is a flag I plant
on so many islands no one makes it to
but this is about you
in some weird way
without us getting into
excentricities
this is about you
in a weirder way than aliens
this is about you
cause I should never share this with you
cause you said you would end up
in a HSIUDKJNASDKJASDJ A ward
soooooooooooooo
this isn’t for you
but it is to you
so what ?
dear helen
whats the weirdest shit you’ve seen as a surgeon?
tell me
whats the most fucked up surgeon’s logs
you’re keeping?
I love you I I love you I love you and thank you for forgiving all of these thoughts already