who so dank
narked on they own stank

songs to finish all in a
stank dank

when you write in real life without words
unemploymen just working with wood

I haven't done a serious journal in a while
and I have too much to report
flying back to california now
on american airlines to Phoenix, then going to SLO
 There's a lot of hope
 and learning that happened this past week
 I went a little a-wall
 and it came a time when you know that being right didn't matter
 and in retrospect you were real wrong about it
 because the source feeling had nothing to do with the primitive mind
 the source emotion had a lot to do with feeling unable to speak the right words about flying back to spread my dad's ashes, and much more to do being that I'm so frustrated I couldn't get anything out, the correct thing ||

 ### So it's all back to
 ##### songwriting

 because I am banking and I know I'm wrong cause you can't plan your emotions
 but you can kind of pan them out not strict schedule but light barely visiable foggy delegation that does wonders to the gut.
 and my stomach this whole month's been acting out
 and I promised becca I'm not talking about body ailments anymore EVER
 TIRED OF IT FUCK me for talking body ailments no one wanna hear that,
 I don't wanna hear that pera damn boomp bap

 I would journal but my stomach has been acting up and I didn't opt in for a pat down I got blasted by the milimeter waves and now my bards instead of dank
 starving in internet caves till your
 called terrrorists for bringing up constitutional ammendments
 basic people speaknig basic things all day every day got be bending
 in the dark on the shakti bumping frequencies
 cause this irregular heart be needs mending
 I'm not pretending
 you can't start a civ without murdering the commandment

 that's not part of the project,
 it just the way

 wanna see bad screenwriting 101
 watch the mandalorian
 all eye candy and devoid of soul
 minimalist in meaning
 to maximize the products sold
 cause no good american kid
 is too young for vicoria's secret lego star wars
 commanding commandoes lego gardens
 I'm bumping kirsten hacker talking about LIGO and
 the mysteries of love
 I'm mocking everyone for giving too much a fuck
 I hate myself for thinking this maybe breakups a game
 funny how it all came out in the wash
third time
 she calls our arguments the same   
but we make up great
I got nothing to say
cause it's time for introspection
and mastering yourself and knowing what you want is the first step
to better mental healt and relations with your loved ones

and so yeah most of the past two weeks have been avoiding in a way,
I kept going inbetween really loathing the idea of getting on a plane and seeing
my families pathetic and easy problems
and my mom's problems aren't pathetic
and her problems even I can't solve
because they aren't easy

so before even getting the green light to come

and she wants me to buy a shed and put all my stuff in the back yard

and a long list of I'm sure other stuff

and so I was planning this as an analogue notebook trip

but ended up just putting my laptop in my bag minutes before leaving.
Only because we couldn't find the book helen just bought me. it was a slassic some novel that messes with the form of the novel. A meta novel I forget what it was called. She's now found it but I'm alreay on the plane!

Smoked a spliff and took a micro before the TSA check.
Looked like a satanist rock star in all black, black watch, tshirt, sandals, shorts, and backpack. Looks satantic because the phanny pack (helen calls bum bag)

I'm fried from the over use of phone
I'm zoned on nothing in particular
aside from the desire to make a sandbox for my nieces.
That'll be fun. I think they'd all like that, it's a big yard and I want to make it as nice as possible. But I have to be careful about how I get that done, because I know I'm walking into a two page list of tasks aside from the shed that will take a while.

The first thing though will be the shed, and the shedding of all the weight of my things in the house. The house and the attic, I'll sort through and move it all. All my shit.

Life has been so nice having money for once. It's going to end, and I feel like I'm not doing enough to secure my future, and I'm working often enough.

Marta came over last night and she liked my media cart - she got it. She said it looked like I was doing a professioinal media company. And I don't remember who the fuck it's for but she's a really successful producer. I have a lot to learn from her. It ws a fun night, I threw 20 down on 3 bottles of wine between five of us, and Helen and I rose from our lazy sunday vibes on a bike ride to pandora and cash's.

Chad is in the mix, he's walking dogs at 11 AM tomorrow. I was only getting scammers so doing the whole plane thing without a switch (really missing that right now). But it was just impossible to get without over paying. Last minute asked craig what I could give him to borrow his switch and he just said he couldn't loan it to me. Lol I knew it he knows how I am with borrowing stuff..

Oh my god I just rememebered I finally heard from Jack after months of silenece and he was just like 'michael you hurt me last time we talked did you know that?' and I told him sorry I had no clue, and he sent a photo over of a text document on his laptop called mikes slight which basically had a thing where I said the play we did came out too silly and should be made funnier' and he couldn't handle that and man I'm just glad I'm not that guy with those problems.
If he wasn't so offended he could get some real help from a real best friend who actually cares about him and his work. Helen said he only shits on my work anyways.

I'm not amazed at how A-wall some people go when you don't speak with them for a while, and this year in general. I think 5G has plays a serious role in why my friends and loved ones are going hay wire. Every year the good of them all is squeezed, and in place is this weird doomsday ettiqute wall drive I don't know how to describe it.

I am just as fried, drained, whatever, you name it, you say it. I've actually been pretty healthy this whole past month, that is after the night craig moved in

Many nights of practicing at the studio with becca, her and I have gotten back to a closeness we had in collegeI feel. We've had some deep chats at Carmellos and helen usually meets up with us. So Carmellos is a spot with 2 buck bud pints cash only and around the corner from the studio. Craig and izzy met me pandora helen and becca at carmellos and basically none of them like izzy, or craig.

Ahahaha I don't get why people have to be so picky about their company, and something helen said I was right about last night over Kareoke

a taylor swift lryic is
'a friend of all is a friend to none'
and so that makes me respect their judgments more.

Izzy apparently just has a weird stare where it looks like he's faking his emotions and words and is too uncanny calculating with it.

They basically hate Craig because he's a 2nd generation disciple from mystery, the guy with the whol dvd set thing with the really problematic wording it's just too funny.
Becca and I watched a good amount of the 1st DVD - I got these 5 DVDs that just said mystery on them, at a free book exchange farmers market thing, the day helen and I went out to queens

  man that's just the tip of the ice berg so much is going on in my house. It's funny I don't log it but I should.

  I could. I feel a little ill, but it's alright it's only a 5 hour flight. I can just type

  type out the sugar coat until everyone left the stage though

  as if I had all the right cheat codes for the wrong game

  cause it's not coming for 50 consoles

  air traffic controller zshit
  s while I zoomed in on the laughing guy throwing fuel in the wing of our plane

  how do you ever go to an airport in the states and not think of halo?

  some people are born ghetto

  Me I was more born poor then learned to ghetto
  get off this hierarchy we're all equal
  you're a fucking tool   

each character is shown through various forms, drawings animations physical, they’re all just references, placeholders for the essence of that that is. the character itself is the medium is the goal. (sharing that idea is the goal)

|| open doors for false flags ||

whats a day what a another trip if tripping outs part of the gig in that special hour that

Becca thinks craig's housemate is a psychopath and I just kept telling her no he was just on an adderall stint. He has a script.

funny when she stopped minding


Flying Back

2020-08-17 15:30:41 -0400 EDT

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