or they might leave.
Just got a debit card and checked my balance and didn’t have enough to leave town and felt a strange invisible noose about that fact and in a livid state made moves to not die, to stand and fight, not for something arbitrary like a patriot would, like some stronghold or keep or constitution or land but a me, that ideal me, so the anxiety goes away when you do it bad da first time, multiple times, then years go by. I’m a loser and I’m a winner to the highest degree.
Went big today sold my gameboy and would’ve killed myself if not head-phoning the DAMN album over vegetables with cat bags under the awning I built mom. Operation runaway without being told by fam I ran away and even Crispi pinged me I just found out today - funny I’ll ask him if he still thinks I work for the CIA, a contingent point he made when we stopped being friends last year.
Every time I start to make music or talk about recording she says she thought I was here to help her - I can apparently record for the rest of my life anywhere in the world, her words and it doesn’t feel like that but mamma said it so it must be true true.
Finally for the final of last times promised not to joke about killing myself ever again to my GF cause my family yet again doesn’t want to support my arts though they say they do, but this town is mad, something in the air makes them insane and if I had any balls I’d make signs for help for all and
Duende what debbie’s arty man was on and
Duende makes us think of Jan and
Duende our sweet devil’s undertones and
Duende says it’s the best decade of our lives objectively
Lyrics: (include above)
before it's happened cause we fit on that perfect bridge of youthful and appreciative of the youth so instead of empty nights we are full full oh over flowing with emotions we don't know where to place them so writing as a therapy needs to be expanded something for my toes not my fingers something for the heat in my heart not the coldness I perform when I'm warm blooded if she says I remind her of a snake that's what I hate that's why my writing self deprecates myself and my follies if I am to pursue truth so hard logging back on /soc/ I have follies to face Craig on the phone said again he'd pay for my flight to New York or pay me for heading to the path less travelled art for artists not idiots logged on for 5 minutes and it's the same shit after nearly a year of avoiding it If you didn't bring a crack head in avery's car who hit the pipe at a gas station while I'm under the influence then I'd pay you back if you didn't maintain you're not human, but a pledian then I'd pay you back what use is money for an alien? if I didn't have sanity long lost and childhood memories locked then I'd pay ya back and you know what it's a new decade I'll pay ya back first I'll pay ya back before mom today broke down for the Unteenth time said don't be surprised if I die sometime cause I can't make it I feel too much pain at his loss and all this stress being the Langley of stress life money is the HQ of evil not plastic nor tissue Huxley said best gammas are stupid that previous version of poliw.at so what's this in retrospect? so marathon the young cause it keeps me alive longer and to the many financial suicides I've made I took instead of my own life so not exactly happy to be alive just no longer using martyrs as levers pushing and pulling cause these days prove mostly isolation and that weighs heavy most on mind and my mind is light in knowing that Kevin is coming and we're going to walk the dark streets of nipas and talk life philosophy Psychology politics and memes like we did in high school this is the golden era for all as well as the golden era for us.