or they might leave.

13:12

Just got a debit card and checked my balance and didn’t have enough to leave town and felt a strange invisible noose about that fact and in a livid state made moves to not die, to stand and fight, not for something arbitrary like a patriot would, like some stronghold or keep or constitution or land but a me, that ideal me, so the anxiety goes away when you do it bad da first time, multiple times, then years go by. I’m a loser and I’m a winner to the highest degree.

20:11

Went big today sold my gameboy and would’ve killed myself if not head-phoning the DAMN album over vegetables with cat bags under the awning I built mom. Operation runaway without being told by fam I ran away and even Crispi pinged me I just found out today - funny I’ll ask him if he still thinks I work for the CIA, a contingent point he made when we stopped being friends last year.

Every time I start to make music or talk about recording she says she thought I was here to help her - I can apparently record for the rest of my life anywhere in the world, her words and it doesn’t feel like that but mamma said it so it must be true true.

Finally for the final of last times promised not to joke about killing myself ever again to my GF cause my family yet again doesn’t want to support my arts though they say they do, but this town is mad, something in the air makes them insane and if I had any balls I’d make signs for help for all and

Duende what debbie’s arty man was on and

Duende makes us think of Jan and

Duende our sweet devil’s undertones and

Duende says it’s the best decade of our lives objectively

Lyrics: (include above)
before it's happened
cause we fit on that perfect bridge of youthful
and appreciative of the youth
so instead of empty nights we are full
full oh over flowing with emotions we don't know where to place them
so writing as a therapy needs to be expanded
something for my toes not my fingers
something for the heat in my heart not the coldness
I perform when I'm warm blooded
if she says I remind her of a snake that's what I hate
that's why my writing self deprecates
myself and my follies
if I am to pursue truth so hard
logging back on /soc/ I have
follies to face
Craig on the phone said again
he'd pay for my flight to New York or pay me
for heading to
the path less travelled
art for artists not idiots
logged on for 5 minutes and it's the same shit
after nearly a year of avoiding it
If you didn't bring a crack head in avery's car
who hit the pipe at a gas station while I'm under the influence
then I'd pay you back
if you didn't maintain you're not human, but a pledian
then I'd pay you back
what use is money for an alien?
if I didn't have sanity long lost
and childhood memories locked
then I'd pay ya back
and you know what it's a new decade
I'll pay ya back
first
I'll pay ya back before
mom today broke down for the Unteenth time
said don't be surprised if I die sometime
cause I can't make it I feel too much pain
at his loss
and all this stress
being the Langley of stress life
money is the HQ of evil
not plastic nor tissue   
Huxley said best gammas are stupid
that previous version of poliw.at
so what's this in retrospect?
so marathon the young cause it keeps me alive longer
and to the many financial suicides I've made
I took instead of my own life
so not exactly happy to be alive
just no longer using martyrs as levers
pushing and pulling
cause these days
prove mostly isolation
and that weighs heavy most
on mind
and my mind is light in knowing
that Kevin is coming
and we're going to walk
the dark streets of nipas
and talk life philosophy Psychology politics and memes
like we did in high school
this is the golden era
for all as
well as
the golden era
for us.

-=-=–=-=–=-=–=-=–=-=–=-=–=-=–=-=–=-=–=-=–=-=–=-=–=-=-

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duende_(art)

♩ Smart phones ♩

♪ Make you stupid ♪

♫ use ♫

https://poliw.at/deway

Dont Push the Black Sheep

2020-01-03 10:34:41 -0800 -0800

Other Logs: